Name: DHINESH S/O CHANDRA SEGARAN ,MR
Amount Payable: $
This is to inform you that our record shows that you have an outstanding charge in your library account. The amount outstanding is indicated above in : AMOUNT PAYABLE.
You may wish to make your payment in the following ways:
1. By Cashcard / EZ Link . You can pay using cashcard/EZ Link at all libraries in NUS.
2. Through NETS at Central Library. Please see the library staff at Loans Desk 4.
3. By cash at the Student Service Centre at Yusof Ishak House.
4. By cheque. Please make the cheque payable to :National University of Singapore. Please write your Name and staff / student number on the reverse side of the cheque. Please send cheque to : Coordinator, Loans and Membership Services , Central Library, National University of Singapore, 12 Kent Ridge Crescent, Singapore 119275. Please note that fines will be cleared from your record only when the cheque has been cleared by the bank. This will take about one to two days.
If you need further assistance, please do not hesitate to call us at telephone number 6872 0236.
Regards
I received the above e-mail a couple of weeks ago with respect to the outstanding fine in my library account. This fine was to be paid to the Loans & Membership desk at the Central Library.
The mail is pretty straight-forward. The tone used is somewhat formal.
It gets quite straight-to-the-point with my name and the amount I have to pay indicated at the very beginning. (I removed the exact amount payable, as I deemed the amount of cash I had to part with owing to my forgetfulness irrelevant in this case). Anyway, I thought the tone, though formal, could have shown a hint of casualness with a "Dear Mr ...". Given that this was my first such "offence" of this nature, I guess a more casual tone could have been in order. Furthermore, given the fact that this was not a system generated mail or anything, I sensed a certain 'human element' was missing.
Another important point which I realized was that as clear and concise as the mail was, it was not complete. The effort taken to list out the various modes of payment could have also been used to list the titles of the books which I would have to pay the respective overdue fine amounts for. This would have made it easier for me to recollect the reason or reasons why I was paying this fine in the first place.
However, it must be noted that the person does make an attempt at being helpful and polite with the last sentence offering assistance. Oh well, I guess better late than never!
Amount Payable: $
This is to inform you that our record shows that you have an outstanding charge in your library account. The amount outstanding is indicated above in : AMOUNT PAYABLE.
You may wish to make your payment in the following ways:
1. By Cashcard / EZ Link . You can pay using cashcard/EZ Link at all libraries in NUS.
2. Through NETS at Central Library. Please see the library staff at Loans Desk 4.
3. By cash at the Student Service Centre at Yusof Ishak House.
4. By cheque. Please make the cheque payable to :National University of Singapore. Please write your Name and staff / student number on the reverse side of the cheque. Please send cheque to : Coordinator, Loans and Membership Services , Central Library, National University of Singapore, 12 Kent Ridge Crescent, Singapore 119275. Please note that fines will be cleared from your record only when the cheque has been cleared by the bank. This will take about one to two days.
If you need further assistance, please do not hesitate to call us at telephone number 6872 0236.
Regards
I received the above e-mail a couple of weeks ago with respect to the outstanding fine in my library account. This fine was to be paid to the Loans & Membership desk at the Central Library.
The mail is pretty straight-forward. The tone used is somewhat formal.
It gets quite straight-to-the-point with my name and the amount I have to pay indicated at the very beginning. (I removed the exact amount payable, as I deemed the amount of cash I had to part with owing to my forgetfulness irrelevant in this case). Anyway, I thought the tone, though formal, could have shown a hint of casualness with a "Dear Mr ...". Given that this was my first such "offence" of this nature, I guess a more casual tone could have been in order. Furthermore, given the fact that this was not a system generated mail or anything, I sensed a certain 'human element' was missing.
Another important point which I realized was that as clear and concise as the mail was, it was not complete. The effort taken to list out the various modes of payment could have also been used to list the titles of the books which I would have to pay the respective overdue fine amounts for. This would have made it easier for me to recollect the reason or reasons why I was paying this fine in the first place.
However, it must be noted that the person does make an attempt at being helpful and polite with the last sentence offering assistance. Oh well, I guess better late than never!
Dear Dinesh,
ReplyDeleteThis email is pretty clear and concise. It provide information about different methods of paying your outstanding fine. I do agree with you that this message could be improved by stating the titles of books that have resulted in the outstanding fine. This would probably clear your doubt about why you are given a fine and whether you have been wrongly charged. In addition, I feel that the writer could have stated the consequences of not paying the fine politely. This would probably deter the customer(you) from delay paying the fine.
Thanks, Dhinesh, for sharing this example and for the critique. Like both you and Terry observe, including the book titles would have made this a more concrete message. Personally, I'm not so surprised by the tone, which is a sort of standard formal. That may be used because the library wants to stress that they mean business in assessing a late charge.
ReplyDeleteThis is probably a "canned" message that is sent out to anyone with overdue books.
Hey, I forgot to say that I think you did a very good job with this post assignment. At the same time, I wonder why in your blogging group there are very few comments on each other's posts. Maybe everyone is singing Too Much Work in the Recess Week Blues? (Can't say I blame you on that account!)
ReplyDeleteSpot on Brad!
ReplyDeletehaha...Your comments caught my attention and I decided to check the online Longman Dictionary of Contemporary English for the meaning of the word 'recess'.
ReplyDeleteResults returned were:
-a time during the day or year when no work is done, especially in parliament, law courts etc
-a short period of time between lessons at a school when children can go outdoors and play
mmm...none of them looked like what I was experiencing the past week. So I went to dictionary.com and found another definition.
"temporary withdrawal or cessation from the usual work or activity."
Partially true...I did not go to school the past week, but work definitely did not cease! Haha...This is the closest definition I can get to describing my "recess week"!
Anyway, with regards to your post, I agree that details like the book name and loan date should be mentioned. I was actually quite surprised that they did not mention it because I often receive emails from the Science library even before the due date for my book, to remind me to return the books promptly or to renew it online. There would be my name, the title of the book and the due date in the email, amidst other information. I tried looking for a sample email but I seem to have deleted those emails.
Another point I noticed is the information for payment by check. I personally think it’s redundant unless the person has a huge debt to clear.:)
Anyway, thanks for your post! It certainly shows that every letter has areas for improvement, even a “canned” message!
Here's an example of a reminder email that I just received from the Science library.:)
ReplyDelete(Matric Number)
(Name)
(Address)
Head, Medical/Science Library
National University of Singapore
10 Science Drive 2 (S6)
Singapore 117548 (TEL: 6872-3655)
04-03-09
Reminder Notice web site: http://linc.nus.edu.sg
This is a reminder that the following book/books
in your library account will be due soon.
Overdue book/books will be subject to late payment charges.
The Library offers home delivery / collection service at a small fee. Details of the service are available in our library e-form.
Thank you.
AUTHOR: Glick, Bernard R.
Molecular biotechnology : principles and applications of recombinant D
CALL NO: TP248.2 Gli
BARCODE: 5192910R
MD/SC Books DUE: 06-03-09
DATE CHECKED OUT: 20-02-09 05:58PM
AUTHOR:
TITLE: Medical microbiology
CALL NO: QR46 Med
BARCODE: 5200119K
MD/SC Books DUE: 06-03-09
DATE CHECKED OUT: 20-02-09 05:58PM
I think this email's good in that it provides details of my loans and it is courteous. However,it can also be improved in terms of completeness. Besides mentioning that overdue books will be subjected to late payment charges, they could also have suggested an alternative like renewing the books to avoid an overdue.
These examples of emails demonstrate how emails or letters can be improved in terms of completeness. Understanding the needs of the recipient and foreseeing the response of the reader, can help us in providing adequate information in our letters, so as to allow the reader to respond appropriately.