Another interesting topic. Well I have had quite a number of interpersonal conflicts in my life. Some I managed to resolve while others I did not. At this time, I am reminded of an incident in which I was subjected to quite a bit of mental and emotional stress. This was during a period of time rather than a specific incident.
This happened in the year 2007 while I was in my second year of study in NUS. I have always been quite actively involved in the Arts despite being a Science student. This is due to the passion which I have had from young, for the Arts. I was actively involved in both the English and Tamil Drama & Debate Societies during my secondary and junior college days. As such, I continue to be heavily involved in such activities while I am pursuing my degree as well. This being the case, I gave my word to a very good friend that I would help co-direct a play with her which had been a dream of hers for years. I gave her my word in 2006 and we decided to start our production work sometime at the beginning of 2007. A couple of months later, towards the end of 2006, another friend whom I was pretty close to at that time approached me to help him co-produce a huge-scale musical for the Tamil Language Society (TLS) of NUS. This musical was the pride & joy of the TLS and I was indeed honoured that I was being asked to co-produce it. Due to this, I agreed to do it despite knowing that it was going to take a miracle for me to be able to manage both the play and the musical.
As expected, when production work proper for both productions began in 2007, I started to panic. I was a nervous wreck, trying to balance lectures and tutorials with all the artistic and logistic work which had to be done for both productions. There were a countless number of occasions in which both friends would say that I was not dedicating enough time to each of their specific productions. Soon, a number of artistes as well as members of the production crew from either side joined in and began accusing me of favouring 'the other production' more. At this point, however, I must mention that the friend I was co-directing the play with did stand up for me quite a bit during those times although she got frustrated with the situation at times.
Finally, both productions were successfully staged. Both received mixed reviews (as all productions do), but I was not fully satisfied with either one. One could say that I bit of more than I could chew. However, I did inform both friends that I was involved in the other production and despite that they were pretty adamant that I be involved in each of their respective productions as well. Now, the question is, whether I should have picked a production of the two to be involved in at the risk of straining my friendship with the other person or should I not have been involved in either? Or is there a third solution I'm totally missing out on?
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ReplyDeleteHey Dhinesh,
ReplyDeleteWOW! Co-directing two productions? I dom't think a professional producer would even be able to do that!
Let me start the comment proper by saying that you really did bit more than you could chew. You’re plate was practically ‘overflowing’ given the limited time and capacity you had!
I do not blame the members and producers/directors of each production from being mad at you. After all, they entrusted you with an important post, and the least you could do was to give your full commitment. However, no matter how good you are at time management, you still had to juggle between the two productions, which means half the commitment level should you had only joined one. That isn’t fair for the rest of the crew, considering that they also put in a 100% effort into producing the play/musical.
There are many ways which you could have tackled your problem. First of all, considering your passion for both productions, you could have requested for a less taxing role. In addition, you should have informed your other commitment when accepting the offer from the Tamil Language Society, and also informed the play committee of your decision. If both parties are ready to accept your decision, the next step would be to lay down and negotiate your conditions. For example, you are only responsible to be present for two rehearsals a week, or you will only direct the first half of the musical etc. Upon laying down your conditions, it would be your discretion to go beyond the call of duty (preferably once or twice to earn some brownie points).
Communication with both parties is important in preventing any misunderstandings and accusations from surfacing. You have to keep them updated about what you have been doing, and turn up punctual and prepared for rehearsals. The moment you start neglecting your conditions slightly, members will start accusing you of not performing.
As you juggle your time between both parties, the bond between the team would also be slightly superficial (the only true friend you have would be the one who offered you the job). It will be rather hard to foster trust, understanding and ‘true’ friendship with them, hence you must make sure that they see you at work, and how important your skills are in both productions.
I’m sure both productions were well directed, and you should be satisfied that you managed to direct two productions within a limited amount of time! Friendships are always strained when working together, so it’s best to forgive each other and move on.
WOW! How did you digest what you have to during your second year? Though it is not a fantastic thing to go through, I think you have learnt alot from it.
ReplyDeleteI have similar experience as you since I was actively involved in my club activites as well as two external CCAs. Even though I have learnt alot skills and gained experience from all the involvement, however sometimes one face issues regarding commitment. This is especially so for someone who is not able to manage stress and time well. Therefore, I feel that we need to understand our abilities and limits. One thing that I have been trying to learn even up to now is the art of "saying NO". Often, we feel bad rejecting people who are close to us, but then again, sometimes rejecting them is necessary because we do not want to let them down if we happen to not fulfill our promise. The outcome may be worse. We can always be involved in ways that we know we can contribute best given the situation. Of course, there should be effective communication so to prevent misunderstandings.
zQ... Spot on! Especially your point on saying 'no'. I have been having trouble in that department for quite some time now... Rest assured mate... Point definitely noted!
ReplyDeleteThis is a very compelling story, Dhinesh, and like the other commentators, I'm amazed that you were able to do both the play and the musical. What takes a bit of the tension away from this as a conflict situation is the fact that you did achieve so much success. Maybe it would have been better to keep that a "secret" until after your readers had had a chance to have their say.
ReplyDeleteIn any case, this is a well-articulated description. Thanks for your effort!
Wow, you must be really good at what you are doing to have so many people approaching you.:) On a serious note, there are indeed many situations like these which require us to make choices, albeit very difficult choices sometimes. Making decisions often involve taking into consideration not only our dreams and aspirations, but our responsibilities and commitments as well. I personally think your second friend would not be offended if you didn’t help him with his production because I don’t think our friends would mind if we had genuine reasons for not helping them. (I don’t know if I am being too idealistic here).
ReplyDeleteFrom what I understand here, however, I think you were struggling a little because you were very interested in the second production but did not want to go back on the promise you made with the first friend. Not sure if I got it right though. I think these struggles are very common, be it in the workplace or in school. Opportunities come along and we grab them, but as soon as we thought that was the opportunity of a lifetime, another better one comes along, leaving us yearning for the other one. Sometimes we have a choice, sometimes we don’t. In this case, you made a commitment with your first friend and unless she agreed that the other production needed you more or that it was a production of a lifetime not to be missed, I think you generally had no choice but to continue with the first production.
However, if you really wanted to take part in the second one, I think you could have sat down and discussed with your first friend your desire and reasons. In this way, you could maybe have taken on a smaller role in the first production, like Chee Kiang mentioned, and the unhappiness amongst the members of either production crew could probably be avoided. Your decision to accommodate both parties and take on two productions was really noble, but definitely not advisable. It was inevitable that members of either crew were not happy, because the expectations they had of you were probably not met. From how you mentioned that your friends were very adamant about you joining them in the respective productions, I bet they had high expectations of you and considered you a great asset to their team.
In this case, my suggestions would be learning to manage others’ expectations and to be contented whatever the situation, when we have committed ourselves to doing something.
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ReplyDeleteHey Dhinesh,
ReplyDeleteI have not been involved in such activities before but from the responses of our classmates, I am very sure it was not at all an easy task to handle two productions. Great job men buddy.
I understand the predicament that you were in when you were approached by two of your good friends to be part of their production. You were in a dilemma because you wanted to be a nice friend, offering your aid to them and at the same time to be accountable and responsible for the roles assigned to you. We could see how the elements of emotional intelligence come in and may conflict each other in certain cases.
I think to help you make a rational decision, you would have to ask if you were up to the tasks. If you have to choose between your two friends, I think you should choose the one who approached you first. I am sure the other party would understand if you explain your difficulties and by helping him whenever you could would reflect your kind intentions and eliminate any resentment if any.
Hi Dinesh! I did not realise I needed a third comment till late but trust me, the following is not superfluous.
ReplyDeleteFirst, I think you should be proud of yourself that so many people find you a talent and an asset. Of course, you were burning the candle at both ends by accepting both productions. However, you have gone through the trial of fire successfully and this lesson will stay with you for life and motivate you when you are overwhelmed at work, e.g. "If I could do it then, I can do it now"!
One thing nobody said is you could have approached another friend. I am sure from your experience in your past schools there must be people you could approach. At the minimum, just to help with logistic tasks that could be divided. That way, you could concentrate on the tasks such as the artistic ones where you have expertise in. Of course, this would only work if you do have work that could be delegated. Also, you would have to explain to both production teams of this new arrangement and see if they object.
This is relevant in the workplace and schools in Singapore have adopted this method. Since teachers are overwhelmed by teaching and adminstrative work, schools can now employ additional staff to do the non-specialised tasks. Do not always think you should and could do everything by yourself. There are more than 6 billion fellow humans out there, there must be one who can help you!